You are not the type of fag who makes New Year's Resolutions...

...but honey, you got fat over the holidays. Not straight-fat, God no! But gay-fat. Definitely gay-fat.

But it's a New Year and your hangover is finally gone, so you pull it together long enough to get your gay-fat ass to the gym. But as soon as you walk in you realize that something is very, very wrong. You always workout during the Hooker/Actor hour, when all the real people with real jobs won't get in your way. Not to mention the fact that the Hooker/Actors are much cuter than this motley crew.

That's when it hits you. The gym is crawling with Resolutionaries who are in your way and making you wait for every machine, every free weight and every water fountain. You get so annoyed that you decide to do some cardio but quickly give up when someone points out the sign-up sheet for the treadmill. You get so irritated that you cut your workout short and head back into the locker room, where no one is either gay-cute or straight-cute. At all. Anyway.