You're definitely not one of those Socialite Fags...

...but your social calendar is definitely on the lite side for the evening which kind of makes you feel like a gay loser (see fagnote #1, below), so you end up (gasp!) working late and then go to the gym around 9pm in order to avoid the after-work dinner rush. Luckily the January-Joining Resolutionaries have begun to wane so you can actually get on the machines you want without taking a number and relying on your evil eye to move things along.

After your workout, you go home and cook a healthy carb-free dinner while your Hobosexual roommate gives you blow-by-blow outfit updates on what's happening on Project Runway (see fagnote #2, below). Luckily, you catch the second half and get to see all the avant-garde haute couture creations. Even though you can't stand that LesbiGay hermaphrodite Christian thing, you have to agree with Heidi, Nina & Ms. Kors that his/her gown is by far the best.

Of course Make Me A Supermodel sucks you in after P.R. ends, but that's mostly because of the twink ab-fest during the opening credits. Luckily you quickly lose interest and air kiss The Hobosexual goodnight before retiring for the evening to go look at online porn. You are segued, however, by a brief "Who's-on-Connexion" moment when a Drop Dead Gorgeous boy you have chatted with notices your online presence and begins a chat. He's kind of perfect, except for the fact that he's much too young, has the same name as you (creepy), and of course there's that pesky little issue that a good friend of yours has already slept with him. You've actually been told, in no uncertain terms, "Hands off!" (See fagnote #3, below.) But tonight your hands are only on the keyboard, and Same Name Boy is just way too hot to ignore.

Your chat goes from Zero to Sixty pretty quickly and Same Name Boy mentions something about imagining you face down and chewing on a pillow while you scream his/your name(s). He makes you laugh. He makes you excited. But mostly he makes you consider the pros and cons of trading in your Friendosaurus for sloppy seconds with Same Name Boy. Are you really that type of fag? It kind of kills you as you hunt-and-peck for the letters to spell out, "I doubt our mutual friend would approve..." but you worry that you were being too prude-y so you quickly add, "But if you throw a couple of drinks down my neck, I might not care..." (See fagnote #4, below.)

You instantly feel like a bad person and a horrible friend and you know you're definitely going to hell, but none of that seems to matter when Same Name Boy responds, "That's not all I'm gonna throw down your neck." You laugh and write back, "Then Drinks it is!" but you quickly say goodnight before any plan can be made, because, ultimately, when it comes down to what's important, you know you'd never trade a good friend for a good lay (perhaps a great lay...) Besides, it's late and you need to go to bed and wait for the Bedbugs to bite. Anyway...