You're not the type of fag who gets off hearing the Right Words from the Wrong Guy...

...but the romantic in you doesn't hate hearing them either. Neither does the narcissist. Meanwhile, you made tentative plans with The Cuddler to meet at one of his friend's Christmas parties after you finished with one of your friend's Bowling Birthday Parties in Williamsburg. You hate going to Billburg, mostly because it feels like Logan's Run and, unfortunately for you and Logan, both of you are, well, let's just say thirtysomething. The Bowling Party is fun even though there are so many damn hipsters that the party breaks up long before the four-hour queue to bowl does.

Although your après bowling plans were tentative, The Cuddler texts you several times during the non-bowling-Bowling Party and asks when you're coming to Chelsea to meet him? You reply to ask if his xxx-mas party is fun (sans double entendre, bien sur) and he instantly responds, "Would be better if you were here..."

Wow. Just wow. The Cuddler just said exactly the right thing. Only your heart didn't melt. Or skip a beat. Although you're not too surprised, lately you have definitely been craving these kinds of heart ailments. You want to be one of those sickening couples holding hands on the street who are so desperately in love that they don't even notice the gay-bashing thugs screaming, "Fags!" from the safety of their Escalades complete with gold-plated New Jersey licence plate frames.

But what if your heart could skip a beat for The Cuddler? Maybe you're just too self-involved, too up-your-own-ass to notice your heart palpitations? Maybe if you went to his friend's xxx-mas party you'd finally realize you felt differently? Besides you have nothing to lose because Brooklyn Bowling is over, and you have to take the L train which conveniently stops a block from the party. So you text The Cuddler and tell him you're on your way, to which he gives yet another exactly right response: "I miss you." So you schlep your defrosting heart through the frozen sleet and into the Bedford Avenue station where you quickly run past Logan's little hipster brother's who's barfing up chunks of tofu and good times onto the platform while his drunk girlfriend rubs his back. Now that's what you call love.

Luckily, the Manhattan bound train comes quickly and the xxx-mas boys buzz you up without much of an interrogation. Rihanna's seductive S.O.S. guides you to the right, gay party but when you open the door you are instantly shocked by a completely foreign, almost out-of-body experience: you are much too sober to be at this party. You consider making an about-face, but it's too late; The Cuddler catches your eye and his eyes light up in a way that expose either a skipped heartbeat or the fact that he's so wasted that both eyes can no longer blink synchronously. Or possibly both. ?

The xxx-mas drunks surround you as The Cuddler gives you a big kiss and begins to introduce you proudly to all of his friends who are saying things like: "It's so nice to finally meet you!" and "We've heard so much about you!" But the real kicker comes in the form of a simple, "You two make such a cute couple!" Although these compliments should make you feel good, they don't. In fact, they freak you out so much that you begin to panic. Have you finally become one of those gay men who's more concerned about his abs than he is about having a real relationship?

You don't want to think about this right now nor do you want a cocktail, so you tell The Cuddler that you're tired and he happily begins saying his goodbyes under the assumption that you are going home together. You're not sure what you want yet, but by the time you hit the slushy street, you realize that he's way too drunk to get home alone so you wind up hailing a taxi during the hail storm and escort him home.

The Cuddler is making Z's by the time you finish brushing your teeth with the travel-sized toothbrush you keep in his bathroom, so you pull his shoes and pants off and squeeze into his bed so you can spoon your drunk friend like you're two puppies trying to stay warm. You feel a bit ambivalent kiss the back of his neck because you realize that the guy who eventually does melt your heart better cuddle as good as this sweet boy does. Anyway.