HEY YOU! Lucky Lukas is Not One of Those Boy Toy Fags...

...but he's not so sure that his Ex-Bel Ami Boyfriend actually realizes this?

Hey You!

Ok, so I broke up with my Ex, or rather he broke up with me, about a week and a half before Christmas. Apparently he wasn't sure where his life was going, as he had just finished his undergrad, and he was gonna start getting really busy with work and school (he's an Assistant Band Director at a prominent high school program in the area) and he didn't feel that "spark" to keep the relationship going. Fast forward to now; we have kept in touch, letting each other know how our lives are going and what not. But recently I received some text messages from him and I don't quite know what to make of them...

Band Camp Boy: "We need to hang out sometime...I miss seeing you."
Lucky Lukas: "Yeah, we should get a drink sometime."
Band Camp Boy: "We should. Will I see you at KC pride this weekend?"
Lucky Lukas: "Yes, I'm going with a group of friends"
Band Camp Boy: "Awesome...See you there then ;)"

He always struck me as a "nice guy" type, so I don't really wanna believe that he's only doing this cause he hasn't been with anyone since the breakup and is just lonely and looking for a hookup. All of my friends think that is what he's doing, I would just like a little input from an outside source...

Sincerely,
Lucky Lukas

Fagnote #1, To be played while reading Your response...


Dear Lucky Lukas,

It's hard for me to imagine that a Bel Ami Boy could actually find himself in one of these everyday gay boy dating conundrums? But I'm happy to give you my opinion. Hell, I'm happy to give anybody my opinion, whether they ask for it or not!

First of all, being dumped is never easy. At one point or another we've all been the Dumper and at other times we've been the Dumpee. And, let's face it, it's always easier to be the Dumper. As the Dumper, you're the first one to come to the conclusion that the relationship isn't working. For better or for worse, the Dumper reaches the relationship's finish line first, but unfortunately, this is not the case for the Dumpee. Sometimes it's a close race with a Photo Finish and the Dumpee can see how he lost, but most of the time the Dumpee is lagging so far behind the Dumper that he's so busy huffing and puffing that he doesn't even realize that he's already lost the race! But losing isn't the worst part. It's not knowing why you lost, especially when you thought you were running your fastest and doing everything right.

But, Lucky Lukas, this is where your particular situation starts to get interesting. Half a year has passed since you were the Dumpee, and from the tone of your email, it really sounds like you've gotten over the Band Camp Boy Breakup. And oh how the tables have turned! Band Camp Boy has finally realized that the other dorks in Band Camp can't play his Trombone nearly as well as you can. You, my Lucky friend, are now in a very powerful position where you get to choose exactly whose instrument you want to play as you are now leading the whole damn Marching Band!

Now I'm going to say something rather drastic right now and some of your Gay Posse will probably vehemently disagree with me. But it's very good advice and I think you should take it (surprise-surprise), so make yourself a nice strong Gay Cocktail and sip it down while you ponder my words: It doesn't matter what anybody thinks but you! Don't listen to your friends! Don't listen to me! Fuck us and all of our silly gay opinions! The only person you should listen to is you! As long as you follow your heart then you will not, I repeat, you will not get hurt. From time to time it may seem like you get hurt, but when you offer someone your heart and they don't want it, trust me, you're much better off without them. If you want to see Band Camp Boy again, then see him again. If you just want to be friends, then be a good boy and don't go play his Trombone again. However, if both of you want to see what it's like to have a Fuck Buddy, then by all means, go have some great Sax! Band Camp Boy's balls are definitely in your court and, this time, you're the one who gets to decide which song the band will play during the big game! You're in a very empowering place, and you should savor this experience because these Do-Over situations hardly ever arise.

The one word of caution that I will offer is, from my experience, people never really change. The problems you had the first time around will probably continue to be problems if you end up resuming your relationship. You may ask, "What if he breaks my heart again?" or "What if he's just after sex?" or "Why did he suddenly change his mind?" These are questions that can only be answered if you choose to explore them. Who knows? Maybe he does just want to be friends, but in that case you have nothing to lose since it seems like you want that, too. If he wants more, then you have to ask yourself, Do you want more? If you do, then pursue it. If you don't, then you might want to cool off the friendship for a while until you both find yourselves on surer footing. Regardless, your heart will surely tell you how to act. But Band Camp Boy does actually seem like, as you say, one of the "Nice Guys." It sounds like he treated you with respect even while he was breaking up with you, so you should definitely treat him equally as well regardless of the outcome. But from how I see it, in this particular situation, it's all up to you Lukas, and that's exactly why you are so damn Lucky!

xoxo You!

PS-Got some better advice for Lucky Lukas? Leave it for him in the form of a comment (see link below)!

Are you one of those Fags with a hairy gay dating problem that manscaping alone will not solve? Want to know how You would handle it? Send an email to: Hey_You [at] 2ndPerson [dot] net

UPDATE: Lucky Lukas said...
well, thank you all for the advice and such. I decided to go with the, "I see you, I'll say hi, and then not talk to you the rest of the time" approach. I saw him a total of 3 times at our Pride this weekend, and was only in conversation for prolly a whopping 5 min the entire weekend. and I think that was the best way to do it, cause now I know that I don't want a damn thing to do with him anymore...xoxo Lucky Lukas
June 2, 2008 1:11 AM