HEY YOU! I'm Not One of Those Bossy Bottom Fags...

...but I have recently started dating a guy who I really like, and even though I've always thought of myself as Versatile, for some reason when I'm around him I turn into a total bottom! Honestly I can't seem to get enough of him banging away on top of me. I'm recently out of a two year relationship, and although the sex was never earth shattering, both of us definitely liked to mix it up. Believe it or not, I was probably more of the Top in that relationship! But that may actually have had more to do with my ex's dick of death than anything else...

When I first started talking about sex with the new boy (what we liked to do, etc.) we were both pretty pleased to find out that we each considered ourselves Versatile. However, we're now three months into it and I still haven't topped him. And trust me, I'm not complaining! It's not that I don't want to fuck him, per se, it's just that when he's fucking me the sex is so amazingly good that I kind of don't really care about being on Top anymore. This all sounds great, right? Ok, here's the problem. When he told me that he was versatile he said it was mostly because he thought doing the same thing over and over again got boring. Now, there's no way that I'm at all bored in the bedroom, but I'm starting to worry that he might be. Something seems different lately. Any suggestions?

Sincerely,
Vaguely Versatile

Fagnote #1, To be played while reading Your response...


Dear Bossy Bottom in Denial,

Although typically in the gay community, Anything Goes, let's face it, Cole Porter practically wrote this famous song for you to serenade to your new beau during Gay Karaoke, "Baby if I'm the bottom, You're the Top!" (see fagnote #1, above). We're all a bit surprised that your last relationship lasted for two years because, let's face it, it doesn't sound like you were all that sexually compatible with the Dick of Death (meanwhile, you talk about D.o.D. like it's a bad thing...?) But good for you to move on and find a boy that lifts your spirits as well as your legs!

Although, in Gay Years, you and your new beau are practically married, three months isn't such a long time to figure out all the intricacies of a gay relationship (Does he like Bette or Barbra? Judy or Liza? New Madonna or Old Madonna?), but it is definitely long enough to have flipped that boy over and had your buggery way with him no matter which Damn Diva was crooning on his iPod's Playlist. But honestly it sounds like you really don't want to flip this particular boy over and have your gay way with him. And as Seinfeld would say, "Not that there's anything wrong with that," butt (notice the two T's?) it does sound like your boy wants to be flipped over. He already told you that he gets bored doing the same old thing, so perhaps this boredom has triggered his A.D.D. and is ready for you to give your full Attention to his Deficit which you've obviously been Diss'ing lately. You might learn that you actually enjoy giving him the same type of Prostate Pleasure that your boy has been giving you. However, if you don't ultimately enjoy taking Luke over to the Dark Side, then you shouldn't be surprised when Princess Lay(a) starts searching the Gay Galaxy for other Light Sabers and sending R2D2 and his trusty gay sidekick, C3PO, out with desperate messages like, "Help me, Obi Schlong Kenobi! You're my only hope!" Seriously though, if you're both not having a satisfying sex life, then the sex can't be that great. Which, loosely translated, means you very well may be better off searching the Gay YOUniverse for another Storm Pooper!

xoxo You!

PS-Did I mention that I was single? ;-)

Are you one of those Fags with a hairy gay dating problem that manscaping alone will not solve? Want to know how You would handle it? Send an email to: Hey_You [at] 2ndPerson [dot] net