You're Not One of Those Size Queen Fags...

...but when you leave Bald Boy's studio apartment, you find yourself wondering if you could live in place that was so small? His bed, toilet, and refrigerator are all within a five-foot radius. However, if it meant that you could afford a beach house, then you would probably choose to shit where you slept also. You kiss Bald Boy goodbye while pondering his bold invitation to spend the weekend at his beach house on the Jersey Shore. When you hit the street to make your Walk of Shame after a One-Night-Cuddlefuck-Stand, you instantly realize that you left your laptop & backpack at your BFF's house last night. So you and your unbrushed teeth call your BFF and head up to his place before he leaves for work, and when you arrive he is absolutely miserable. You can't help but laugh as he shows you the hatchet job that the crackhead barber at The Eagle gave him last night beneath the four watt bulb. It definitely looked better in the dark. Although you definitely feel bad for his harried dilemma, you can't help but remind him that you did try to talk him out of it...

When you finally get home you notice a text from Bald Boy that says, "I was serious about the offer to visit this weekend." So you respond, “And I am seriously considering it! What if I went down with you tonight and took the train back tomorrow so I wouldn’t miss my friend’s party?" Bald Boy writes back immediately, "That would be fantastic! Whatever works best for you. I was hoping to be on the way out of town around 1 or 1:30.”

Although you're still a bit foggy from the combined effects of booze and lack of sleep, you end up doing a bit of work before packing your bag and heading back over to Bald Boy's house to begin he second day of what has now become a Two Night Stand. Bald Boy buzzes you in and tells you to make yourself comfortable while he goes upstairs to get his Ex's dog. You share an kiss before he leaves and then you suddenly feel a bit awkward, mostly because you are now wondering if you are making a tragic mistake. But, you tell yourself, if you wind up having a terrible time you will just hop on a train and come home. It's a bit weird sitting alone in Bald Boy's apartment. You don't know this boy at all and yet you are about to take a vacation with him! Hell, you haven't even had sex yet! However, you can't help but be touched by his confident move of inviting a relative stranger to his beach house for the weekend. You love how he's just thrown caution to the wind, which, honestly, is why you accepted the impressively bold offer in the first place. That's when he returns with the dog who races over to greet you with a salutatory sniff of your balls, just like the boys greeting each other last night at The Eagle.

Traffic is terrible and it takes you an hour just to get to the Holland Tunnel from the West Village. But it's all good because you both seem to have lots of questions for each other so time seems to fly by. The beach house turns out to be amazingly beautiful and you feel instantly comfortable in a way that you know you've made the right decision to come. After you get situated, Bald Boy takes you on a tour of Ocean Grove which turns out to be the cutest little town ever, and you certainly enjoy his passion for his Home Away from Homo. You wander down Main Avenue looking at all the little Methodist's tented cottages and all beautiful Victorians, painstakingly restored by the Gays. You enjoy the ocean while taking a romantic walk along the boardwalk before heading over to Nagles for a very late lunch. But as you are walking into the restaurant you're a bit freaked out when Bald Boy asks you, "So what are your hobbies?" Suddenly you feel like you are on a Match.com job interview and your mind quickly goes blank. Do you even have any hobbies? Drinking doesn't count, does it? Bald Boy fills in your silence by asking you if you like to read. You say, "Of course," and then begin to discuss various books that you have both read recently. Although the conversation is interesting, you begin to notice that there isn't a lot of laughing going on. In fact, it's actually rather dry. Bald Boy is not really funny. At all. But he's so nice and extremely smart and unbelievably sweet that you begin to wonder if you could see yourself having a relationship with a boy who doesn't make you laugh?

That evening you are both so exhausted from your First-Night-Stand that you decide to stay in and watch Being Julia on DVD as you lay in each other's arms. Although the cuddling is very nice, you begin to wonder whether you're ever going to have sex with this boy? But, luckily, the kissing begins just as the movie ends and soon you find yourself being yanked toward Bald Boy's bedroom. And this time the underwear finally comes off. Only suddenly you find yourself in the precarious position of wishing it hadn't. You can't help but picture yourself suffering on an insufferable Disneyland boat ride while an endlessly repetitive soundtrack reminds you that, "It's a Small World After All!" Anyway...