You're Not One of Those Fags Who Juggles Boys...

...but when you wake up the next morning (in your own bed which is actually slightly disconcerting) your iPhone is definitely juggling text messages from both Bald Boy and Baby Daddy. Since you're so terrible with names, you're actually terrified that you'll mix up their names and end up calling one Bald Baby and the other Daddy Boy. But there's little chance of a naming mishap in a text, so you answer Baby Daddy's offer of getting together tomorrow night before he goes to some charity event. You actually chuckle at the offer (perhaps Baby Daddy does have a sense of humor after all?) because it seems a bit lame. If Baby Daddy isn't going to invite you to the actual charity event, then why is he bothering to ask you out at all? If he wants to go out on a real date, then he should choose a night when he's not busy. Right? Perhaps he's juggling even more boys than you are... Anyway. You respond with a less than exuberant, "What time?" and then click send. Of course you instantly regret it when you read Bald Boy's message because Bald Boy wants to know if you'd like to grab dinner, get this, tomorrow night! Ugh. You are so lame at this Dating Game. So you text Bald Boy back and say that you are waiting to hear back from a "friend" about tentative plans, but if they fall through then you'd love to have dinner with him. And the funny thing is that you're not lying. You'd much rather have dinner with Bald Boy than be the recipient of Baby Daddy's charity before his Charity Event.

After six hours of textpectation while waiting for Baby Daddy to respond (the boy is unemployed, how busy could he be?) you decide that you can wait no longer. So you text Bald Boy and say that your "friend" never got back to you so you'd love to grab a bite tomorrow night. Of course, you wind up hearing back from Baby Daddy exactly twenty minutes after you RSVP to Bald Boy. Your nerves are already shot and you haven't even gone out on an actual date with either of these boys yet! Just one extended Three-Night-Stand with Bald Boy and one No-Night-Stand with Baby Daddy. So you write back to Baby Daddy and tell him that you ended up making plans since you never heard back from him, yet suggest getting together next week after you get back from California.

The next night you meet Bald Boy at a church on the corner of Carmine & Bleecker and, although he's on the phone when you arrive, surprisingly on-time, Bald Boy greets you with a big smile and squeezes your knee when you sit down on the steps next to him. He gets off the phone quickly and gives you three cheap n' cheerful choices (at your request) of pizza, pasta or sushi. Since you've been feeling a bit Gay Fat recently, you end up choosing sushi and the two of you end up having a lovely romantic dinner on the back patio of Yama.

Although your phone almost vibrates itself out of your cargo shorts during dinner, you luckily have the good sense not to check it until you excuse yourself for the bathroom. Apparently when it rains, it whores. Not only has Baby Daddy finally gotten back to you about setting a date, but the Portuguese Brazilian From London is also in town and wants to get together before commuting back across the pond! And if that isn't enough, there is also an email from the Columbia Colombian photographer you met a few weeks ago, but you decide right then and there to let that one slip through the cracks and delete the email without giving it a second thought.

The conversation is anything but light, and, needless to say, there ain't a lot of laughs. You talk about Murdered Mothers and Dead Dads and since you're about to burst into tears you somehow resist the urge to burst into song and sing about how it's a Hard Knock Life. Although you know this is completely tasteless, you also have faith that there is a boy out there who would laugh at your twisted joke because his sense of humor will be just as fucked up as yours. But Bald Boy is not that boy.

After dinner you go back to Bald Boy's balmy studio and you're about to let him have his way with you when he mentions that he has dated not one, but two of your Connexion friends! Once again, you start humming "It's a Small World After All," but this time you're not being a nasty size queen. Eventually the two of you get down to some dirty gay business, however it's not as good as it was at the beach. Now that you're back in the city and not playing Beach House, everything seems a little more real. A little too real. Even though the sex has been pretty great, as soon as you know a relationship isn't going anywhere you always wind up emotionally divesting, which inevitably has a direct effect on the chemistry, and ultimately turns your great sex into some merely mediocre man-mashing.

Afterwards you hop in the shower to freshen up and when you emerge squeaky clean, Bald Boy informs you that he has to wake up at 6:40 for a breakfast meeting. Since it's already midnight, you decide that you'd rather have your beauty sleep than cuddle for a few hours before being kicked to the curb. Bald Boy doesn't seem particularly distraught over your departure as he walks you to the door and gives you a peck before letting you out. Suddenly it feels like you have one less pair of testicles in the air to worry about. Anyway...