You're Not One of Those Impulsive Fags...

...although you are definitely compulsive. But impulsive? Well, maybe just a wee bit, however when it comes to dating? Not so much. Okay, okay! So you're more impulsive than most. Perhaps even a hell of a lot more. Only you like to think you're getting better. Right? You giggle to yourself as you and Bald Boy hop in a cab outside of The Eagle and head toward the West Village. When Bald Boy asks you awkwardly, "What's so funny?" you tell him about the conversation you had with your Gal Pal, mere hours ago, about how you thought you were over having one night stands. Bald Boy gives you a hearty laugh which quickly turns into a lengthy kiss after you stare into his piercing blue eyes for a moment too long.

Although you're the first to pull away from the embrace, you continue to hold Bald Boy's hand as the yellow cab races down Ninth Avenue. That's when Bald Boy asks, "Who says it's going to be a one night stand?" You smile at his optimistic confidence, but since this is not your first time around this particular tree-lined Chelsea block, you can't help but wonder where this 2am testosterone fueled union will lead? And when Bald Boy tells you in the form of a question, "Let's just sleep together, okay?" you respond by squeezing his large palm. Honestly, that's all you are craving at this particular moment. Kisses and intimacy from a complete stranger, with a healthy dose of possibility, of course.

Bald Boy's studio apartment is on one of those old fashioned West Village blocks with new fashioned prices. When you walk into the apartment you can instantly tell that it's not a rental. Nothing is cheap enough for a New York landlord: cardboard doors outfitted with fist-sized holes, windows that don't properly close and refrigerators that are so old they should be called ice-boxes. You should know since you are actually describing your own Home-Sweet-Hovel! But Bald Boy's apartment actually has walls that make right angles! Complete with appliances that have fancy features like ice-makers and self-cleaning ovens! Best of all, Bald Boy's confident yet soothing personality is easily perceptible from the way he has decorated the place. As usual, you immediately ask to use the bathroom, partly because you have to go, but mostly because you want to see how dirty it is. Bathrooms never lie. Although you don't inspect his medicine cabinet (that kind of intimacy is best saved for a second date), you are happy to find an immaculately clean salle de bains that smells like fresh fluffy towels instead of mildew. You also like that the bathroom isn't overflowing with product. You've found that boys who spend too much time worrying about how good they look, never seem to have time left over to worry about how good you feel.

You wash your hands and head into the bedroom where, in your absence, several candles have miraculously been lit. However you barely even notice them because you are magnetically drawn toward those piercing blue eyes. You and your kisses are quickly yanked into Bald Boy's bed and, although your clothes are just as quickly removed, Bald Boy whispers into your ear, "Let's keep our underwear on, okay?" And nobody is happier than you, except for maybe your Whiskey Dick. But you're thrilled to just lie in the candle-lit bed, soaking up Bald Boy's affectionate kisses while exploring everything not covered by his Calvin Klein briefs on his amazingly smooth swimmer's build.

Eventually your kisses turn into spooning and as you are falling asleep in Bald Boy's arms you have an overwhelming feeling of safety. Somehow in your last conscious thought before you doze off, you realize that tomorrow, when you wake up with a sobering hangover, somehow you know you won't regret your decision to spend the night. Perhaps that's how you've matured? Maybe it's not the one night stand that you have a problem with anymore? Possibly it's just the idea of having one with someone you'll regret waking up with?

And when Bald Boy's alarm goes off seemingly five minutes after he set it, you instantly realize that you were right. Instead of slumping off to his bathroom, Bald Boy hits his snooze button and pulls your arms around him into a tight hug. You kiss the back of his neck as you bathe in the warmth of his torso. The snooze button is pushed repeatedly, and the lack of sleep somehow acts as a double-negative as your combined exhaustion is somehow replaced with warm kisses. With tongue! In the morning! Without having ever brushed your teeth! You are in shock at all the rules you are breaking, but find yourself helpless to fight your morning hormones as you continue to grope each other until the last possible second when Bald Boy has to leave for work. Although the underwear never comes off, the poor guy doesn't even get a chance to take a shower before going to work. You inspect your bed-head as you gather up last night's outfit from the floor for your impending walk of shame while your follicularly challenged friend brushes his teeth. Although Bald Boy is the one spitting toothpaste from his mouth, you are the one who practically does the spit-take when he sticks his head out of the bathroom and asks you, "Would you like to come to the beach with me this weekend?" Although you find yourself to be completely and utterly stunned, even though you want to scream, "Yes!" you somehow find yourself yapping about some wine tasting party that you've been invited to on Saturday night. And that's when Bald Boy confidently tells you to "Blow it off." Anyway...